Sunday, 12 March 2017

The space in between

I am saddened by how little I have written in the last few years, how little I have wanted to write. The  block, which I hope is clearing today with the urge to suddenly put everything out here, I think came from being deeply unsure of myself.

I am not very much surer today of anything than I was in 2013 but I hope I am more comfortable in the space that I have chosen. It is a space that has always made me deeply anxious and yet one that makes me the most expressive version of myself - the space of alone-ness, of solitude, of living only with my own mind for company. 

It is a space both of peace and a constant restlessness but as soon as I conquer it, I find myself yearning for it. It is the only place where I find myself able to be vulnerable, a trait I think essential for any art. In all it's forms, art is about putting yourself out there, revealing your deepest, darkest corners, and trying to find more universal meaning in it.

One of my projects going forward is to this more regularly and consistently than I have ever before, in the service of a lifelong dream. Here's to the pace in between, to making complete and utter peace with, finding joy in it, and finally getting to a place where I have enough faith in myself to turn that dream into reality.

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Mocking Bird

My mind is a dangerous place.
It spins spidery webs,
thin slivers of sticky goo.
It digs deep holes 
knowing I will fall into them.
And then it watches, 
amusing itself in my heart's misery. 

My mind is a dangerous leader.
It makes me smile when I want to scream,
square my shoulders when all I want
is to sink in and disappear.
It watches me struggle,
applauding
even as I am almost breaking.

My mind, what would I do without you
and what I would do to sometimes be without you.
Then I would be truly alone
Blissfully unaware of even my alone-ness.
But no, you will stay.
My stoic friend and
my mocking bird.
 

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