Winter evenings

It's one of those perfect evenings. Cold, but not so much that you can't sit out. Just enough to make you want to snuggle into a warm blanket, up to a loved one. It's the kind of evening to drink warm, comforting tea and curl up on the bean bag with a good book. An evening made for endless conversation and meandering reminiscences. The evening makes each fragrance deeper and each desire more languid.

Home

A per chance conversation had me thinking about "Home" and I realise that whenever someone asks me that question, I don't really have an answer and my answers are hardly ever the same. Today, "home" might be Delhi, tomorrow it'll be my little flat in Mumbai and day after, it'll be Chennai. I don't have a definite space that has been home since i can remember. Home for me has been transitory, changing, more a function of where I find comfort than a specific house in a specific city.

It's this way for several reasons. I've grown up and lived in several places - Chennai, Hyderabad, Delhi (which was my longest stint @14 years and even there I've moved three houses), Ahmedabad and now Mumbai. Till some years back, it was really simple. Delhi was home. I'd lived there the longest, made some of my best friends and happiest memories and my parents still lived there and I still went back there for little breaks and holidays.But now, I haven't been there in almost three years - since my parents moved back to our "home town" of Chennai, my friends have move out and some have moved back and Delhi, people tell me is no longer the same. I definitely need to go there sometime soon... walk the streets of where I used to live and the nostalgia of times really well spent.


Today, for every long weekend, every festival I go back to Chennai. In my head Chennai has always been the city in which my grandparents live. It's never been happening and visits to Chennai have largely consisted of relative visiting, eating, more relative visiting and more eating. Some of that has changed. Now it's where my parents live and some of friends work there now and I get to see a slightly different, "younger" side of the city. However, though I try to think of it as "home" in the more permanent everlasting sense, it doesn't quite seem that way. Visits to Chennai or rarely ever comforting or even relaxing. If anything, they end up being more hectic and with more decisions to make than I do in my working week. It doesn't have the ease and innocence of childhood, nor any memories of the same (all those are in Delhi, remember). PS: And it seems like I don't even have any pictures of Chennai. Must click the next time I am there.

And finally, Mumbai - where I've been for the last two and a half years. It's a city in which I've truly lived alone, discovered many things, including much about myself that I did not know. I now have a little apartment here (on rent, but nevertheless!) that is my pride and according to me the most comfortable place to come back to after a day at work. Mumbai is full of advertures had, happy memories, sad memories, it is a place full of loves found and lost. At one time, I considered wanting to live here forever. But not anymore.

So I wonder where would I make home? Or for that matter, where is the place that has the peace and solace of good times spent with people who still matter?

And yes, slightly sentimental post to begin with but at least  I am writing again!

Cultural Apathy

I see in people all around me a lack of appreciation for those whose way of life is different from our. It is most obvious in reactions to food. So of course Indian Chinese is better than Chinese Chinese never mind the fact that the Chinese were the ones who came up with Chinese food.

What is even more disconcerting for me is the fact that this cultural apathy often gets tied in with some sort of jingoism where by everything done the Indian (in this case) way is right and every other way in the world is just a compromise or a second best or the actions of an ignorant mind.

To me the only solution to this apathy like in gearing our education system to expose people to different cultures and create in them an appreciation of varied ways of life. At an age when we are free of prejudice, if we are not fed with propaganda, we may be a world of more tolerant and sensitive people. We may be people whose understanding of others living in myriad parts of the world goes just beyond their nationality; we may find more joy in exploring the unknown and letting it flow through us instead of judging it in a fit of  jingoistic superiority.

Jet Lag

The effects of jet lag surprise and humor me. So I am going to list them down:

1. My tummy is highly confused... wants food at odd times and more so, odd food at odd times.
2. I wake up at 2 at night instead of sleeping at 2 at night
3. As a corollary to 1 & 2, I now eat chocolate at 2 at night
4. I am much more productive when I am jet lagged (not very surprising given that I sleep two hours a day)
5. I get weird, time skipping dreams!
6. I don't know what day or what time of the day it is... mind-body-reality disconnect :P
7. I remember things I haven't in years... in the middle of the night... including the periodic table and gifts I bought and never gave to people :|

And I am hoping all of this, including the productiveness, passes by this weekend. It really isn't very good to be so efficient :P

Meaning

Have been reading a rather lot of some blogs lately. And here's a not so shocking thought that never ceases to surprise me: You can write with one meaning and the reader can derive completely another meaning from what you write and it is still as deep and as meaningful as you meant it to be. Every thing wraps around the things that bother each one of us and words take on meanings that we want them to take, say the things that we cannot find our own words for, and create meanings that will give us comfort and solace.

Little nothings

Today morning I woke up missing an old pair of jeans that I had. I threw it away a few months ago because of a couple of irreparable tears in unmentionable locations. But today I just miss that pair.

PS: And I see the blog posts are getting teenier. Long one coming up as soon as I get my thoughts together on that topic

Morals and Values

This post follows a little tweetcussion started by a dear friend on morals. Now that word usually puts me off a good deal. Let me try and explain why. Morals as I see them are injunctions imposed by society on those who are its members. They make a pronouncement on good vs. bad, acceptable vs. unacceptable and more yins and yangs on the same lines. Nothing really wrong with that on the face of it. Every society or group of people or community needs definitions of the acceptable and unacceptable. However, why morals to me have become problematic is that over the years, societies have forgotten why they have those morals in the first place. They have come to be blanket injunctions enforced by self appointed moral policemen (and women... no gender discrimination here). We have examples aplenty. Some of the more trivial ones have been contributed by politicians in our own country. They have enforced the morals of Indian society through vandalism, force and verbal harrangues. Ask any of them why Valentine's day is immoral and they don't have an answer.

Morals have also become, over the years, a convenient way to avoid making a difficult choice or taking responsibility. "I have better morals than that. I don't want to upset people" or "What will people think of me if I say or do such and such". And so in the name of morality, we keep quiet, do nothing, or do things that we do not want to do.

But then doesnt society need some standards? Aren't there things that are acceptable or unaccpetable? Doesn't society need to pronounce judgment to keep order? True, society does need to keep order. That, and convenience, is the whole point of society. Else we might as well be living solitary lives. But what society should be talking about is values and not morals.

To my mind the difference is essentially this: values are things that prompt us to think, help make choices and answer to that eternal larger "purpose of life" question. Morals tend to be action points: do this, don't do that. And there in arises the problem. Action points are always relative. They don't work for everyone and they are not always good or right or acceptable. Values, on the other hand, stand for things define attitudes that are beneficial to society and to individuals. For example, learning or knowledge would be a value. And it is a value that is applicable across societies and cultures and individuals. However, how one chooses to learn is entirely upto each individual. You cannot pass a moral injunction claiming the study of say medicine as the only true path to knowledge (sorry... nothing against the profession of medicine per se). Peace is a value. The moral injunction of not killing proceeds from that. But if I were to pass a blanket injunction saying "Do not kill" it would serve no purpose (for there are times when wars are justified. Hitler could hardly be allowed to go on a rampage in the name of a moral that says "Do not kill").

Values in that sense are more objective and it is from value that actions arise. I'll end with a lovely definition of good and evil that I came across when reading Shantaram. I am going to take the liberty of paraphrasing: anything that helps the universe move towards greater complexity and order is good. Anything that hinders that is evil. For the exact quote refer here. I think that's a great starting point to get thinking on how to define that ultimate set of yins and yangs centering around good and evil (such loaded words both!).

PS: this post is dedicated to all those people who have used more question marks than full stops in their conversations with me. You know who you all are. Love all of you. keep the questions coming... they make me feel very vibrantly alive.
Special mention: Cynduja for starting the tweetcussion and this post. :)

PPS: I don't know how articulate I've been above. Would welcome comments and a debate. If all of you agreed with me it would be boring. ;)

Points of view

Was discussing this with a friend yesterday and ended up quoting what another friend had told me when I was complaining about no one getting my point of view: "It is your point of view. Why should anyone else get it?" (forgive me if I am not quoting exactly). But yes, I'd have to agree. Points of view are unique and while we may agree with each other, no two people will see the same situation in exactly the same way. Makes for infinite and interesting perspectives.

Also reinforces one thing: one must ultimately and always reach one's own point of view on anything. And that however similar two people maybe, we have to agree to disagree and go our own ways where required.

And I'll finish off with another quote (from Anthem, a book I am rather wont to quote from): "In the temple of his heart, each man is alone, as he must be."

PS: this train of thought also reminds me of something Milan Kundera had written in Ignorance about memories and shared experiences. That post is here

Social Service Version 3.0

I am a decided shop-a-holic. Anytime I get close to being unhappy or moody, I indulge myself in retail therapy - clothes, shoes, jewellery... basically the works. The other day I was walking back to the station with a friend and we were talking about this addiction that we share... and about how we spend all our money. And I, came up with a cute little justification: It is my version of social service. I am making everyone around me richer by spending all my money and not saving it :)

So there you go! No more guilt trips after a retail binge... it beats a food binge any day :)

"Shady"

English is a funny language and its words even funnier. Imagine you are walking on the road with a friend and (s)he says to you, "Let's go to a shady place." While you may not exactly slap the other person, the thing that pops into your head when you hear that is, "ewww that sounds so gross." And it does too. 

Now imagine this: You are climbing up a mountain (or should I say trekking). You are walking on rocks, through under growth and there are spiders, crabs and insects all around you. The sun chooses this very day to be at its sunshiny best and is beating down upon you. No matter how you twist and turn, it is sure to catch your back, your head, or some other part of you. Beads of sweat drip down your face and soon your clothes will feel like you went for a swim wearing them. 

When someone now says to you, "Let's find a shady place", believe you me, you are going to jump at the opportunity and try to accomplish the task in a jiffy. And if the other person leads you to one, you'll thank and bless them. 

Such are the vagaries of the language brought to India by the British.

Happy Words

In my long association with the English language, I've developed a certain fondness for some letters of the aforementioned language. I've noticed that words with these letters tend to make me happy, much to the eternal amusement of all my friends. So after a rib tickling session of spouting some of these words today morning (in the c(o)urse of an assignment), I decided to put some of them down here so that others may not be so befuddled when i choose to go around spouting nonsense.

Now, without more ado, here goes...

Words with 2 'g's placed consecutively: There's something wonderfully lively and picturesque about words such as "giggle", "waggle", "wiggle" and "wriggle" (not to forget "piggie"). They seem to represent the actions they stand for and they roll so nicely off the tongue and are really quite pleasant to the ears.

Words with 2 'o's placed consecutively: "toodle", "doodle", "coodle", "whoosh", "swoosh"... try saying these words and you'll know what I mean when I call them happy words. Better yet try saying "waggle whoosh" together and the point will really get home.

NOTE: with due apologies to Dipti, I must also include words like "booey", "gooey" and "phooey" here.

The letter 'e': I don't think this one needs any explanation at all!!! eeeeeheeeeeeheeeee

A few more random happy words/phrases from my dictionary: "swish twish", "diddly squat" (this one is actually slang for doing nothing!!!), "pop" as in "pop goes the weasel, "plonk", "oink"!!!

Keep smiling :D

P.S: The title of this blog is another addition to the list of phrases :D

A few random thoughts!!!

Much changes and many times these changes are quick, happening in a moment and suddenly the confusion is gone and you reach a decision. It seems like you always knew, only had to put the words to it and to accept it, to give yourself the time to do so. It has a been a weird time - swinging from ecstatic happiness to loneliness to anger and sadness. It has been this way for more reason than one, for try as I may, I cannot deny what has happened.

There are moments that I look forward to, that I want as part of my everyday at MICA; there are then moments that I cringe from, that I wish would go away. Ironically, they both go together. I cannot have one without the other. If I am wishing one away now, I know, given the present circumstances, that the other will go too. Just the way life is I guess. But what I have really come to understand is that it is the little things that make one truly sad or happy. There has to be nothing earth shattering to make one swing with joy or weep with pain.

I wish I could be more forthright. Not talk in riddles for I know that what I write right now will be meaningless to a lot of people to whom it is addressed but then this is the way it is going to be for now.

On a less confusing and much happier note, MICANVAS is around the corner. I am looking forward to my friends coming over, to sharing what this place is. I look forward to recreating some of the magic of last year with friends new and old. To re-explore and rediscover at a time when the campus nearly bursts open with life. At a time when the energy and the verve is so infectious that it is impossible to brood over anything at all. Four days of events, music, movies and much much more. Four days that changed a lot last year and will hopefully do the same this year.

The days since I have come back to campus have been eventful. They've made me think in more directions than one, look at people and things anew. They've also made me realise that this part of the journey is almost over and so I should make the most of it while it lasts. And on that note... Amen! :)

Ramblings of a Bored Mind!

I sit and talk meaningless inanities all day. The wait is endless... oh for that one moment that shall give purpose to an otherwise purposeless day in office.

I admire workaholic people for their devotion to their task. However, when it eats into my time - keeping me jobless for a large part of my working day and then insisting that I stay back - I want to holler! I wait and I wait and I wait some more for my boss to get free. He just doesn't seem to. My mind wanders in a very mundane direction. I grow increasingly grubby and with it cranky. How indispensible can a man be?

There is an old recitation - oft quoted in my school assembly - about the measure of an indispensible man. And I am sure if my boss were to put his hands into that bucket of water, the result would be pretty much the same. So why then can he not finish briefing me before taking up meeting for hourso n steel racks? I assure you briefing me is a smalled task - just about 15 min.

I have finished chatting with all the people I can and I write this post in utter frustration, in a last ditch attempt to evade the boredom that threatens to envelope me and transform my good mood of days into one of grumpy sourness. I look forward to chicken soup which I shall buy if my energy sustains me - 2 dry rotis and vegetables that a sick man wouldn't eat are not sustenance enough for me. I ramble on in utter joblessness and maybe I should stop before I stop making sense all together.