Friday, 14 September 2007

Mental Frameworks (and Fireworks)!

I have been rather restless since I came back to campus two days ago. Today finally, my parents will hand over the keys to our Delhi home and leave. I still don't know how I feel about it. At one level it hasn't really sunk in yet. It will probably only when I go to some other city for my next vacation, or when I go to Delhi and have to stay in a friend's house instead of my home.

One of my oldest friends is leaving the country today for higher studies. Yes, there is the net and we will stay in touch much as we have over the last one year I suppose. But there is the fear of what distance will do to the relationship. What the diversity of experiences will do to our understanding of each other especially when we meet after an year or more.

And then there is the fact that a decision I made is not quite panning out the way I planned it. I cannot seem to find the opportunity to implement the promise I made to myself and yes it is making me restless and angry and highly offensive (not necessarily the best way to go about what I have in mind, I might add!). I hate the fact that fate seems to conspire against me and I am angry that I don't seem to have the strength or the courage to take matters firmly in my own hands and do exactly as I had planned ( maybe there's something here and maybe there isn't). I hope today will be the day that I am able to do that... I am holding onto my resolve rather tightly, saying it aloud as often as I can to convince myself that I will really go ahead. At the same time I know I have to do this more for myself than anyone or anything else.

There's still half the day to go. Let me see what it brings. Maybe there will be another post soon. I rather hope there is. It means things have moved instead of just standing still, in an uncomfortable silence.

And in the end I must raise a toast to my first truly moody post! These mostly go on my hard disk but anyway... I felt like putting this here today.

1 comment:

Dipti said...

Remove that disgusting pic -'friends for life'.I look hideously bloated.Keeping everything else aside,your post comforts me in a place like this,at a time like this -when I know I can't possibly pick up a phone to call you or even say 'booey' on chat(thanks to the time difference,macs...) .